last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
