yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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