We're facebook friends in real life
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
