I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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