Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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