This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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