piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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