I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
