why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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