So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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