We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
