If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
