two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
