No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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