I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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