we have officially lost it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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