Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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