He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
