Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
