and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
