non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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