just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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