I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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