U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
