So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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