I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
