hotel room ftw
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize