stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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