I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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