wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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