Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
