your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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