I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
