And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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