We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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