first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
