they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
