This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
