Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
