Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
