Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
