My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
