he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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