i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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