I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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