I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
