I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
