i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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