I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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