Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
