I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
