So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
