why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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