Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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