its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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