I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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