Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
