Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize