Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
