Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
