so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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