is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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