I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
