she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
