I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I won the penis lottery.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
