i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
