once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
