i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize