I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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