I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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