Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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