if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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