benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
