apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You've changed since you got that strap on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
