i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
