I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
