Kiss
Puke
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
