Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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