Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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