We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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