she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
