We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
