as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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