Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
