His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
