I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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