MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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