he was CRYING into my vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
