I got chris browned last night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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