just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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