the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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