Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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