Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
