so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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