Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize